Mumbai terror over. IS IT?

A little over a year and I am again writing about a shaken Mumbai. The world was glued to its television set as, to quote the myriad news channels, “terrorists held the city to ransom”.

For the past 60 hours everyone I know within the city and out has been watching the news incessantly, switching channels to find one that gives more or different information. Even now as I write this, the tv is on showing horrific details of the different operations held to free the hostages and capture the terrorists.

The assault is over and the city is jubilant. It should be. The forces are being applauded. As they should. The city’s spirit is being applauded again. It should… should it?

There are a lot of questions being asked. Should India take action? Should the government tackle Pakistan? ….

But to my mind the most important question was asked by my nephew. Confused by the news replacing all serials, movies and more importantly his cartoons, he asked his mother what’s happening.
On being told that terrorists have taken over Mumbai, he asked,
“wo kya hota hai?”
“Wo Logon ko maarte hai.”
“kyu?”

Pretty deep for a six year old huh? My family for one did not know the answer. I have been racking my brains to find one, but have none either.

I hate these people who kill without mercy. The hatred intensifies when I read stories of the people who lost their lives in this massacre. People who are not mere news reports, but real people with real lives that were cut short without reason. Like the favourite school teacher, or the young boy about to get married next month. Or the brave soldiers who died during operations. All killed by things we call terrorists.

I call them things because humanity does not seem to be a part of their system. Remorseless, they are ready to die and kill. But why? Indoctrination? By whom and again why? For religion? For politics? For power?

Who wins? How do they win? Do we win by killing the terrorists?

The tv shows celebratory scenes. Ecstatic people out on the streets celebrating the death of all the terrorists, relieved that it’s all over. But is it? Will it really ever be completely over?

I don’t think so. Not until all the why’s, how’s and kyu’s have been answered. Anybody got one?

A Confession!

It just happened. I couldn’t stop myself.

I tried very hard to control myself… but I succumbed.

And now the guilt is setting in

How could I do this? How could I give in?

It’s no good telling myself that its okay, it happens, its just natural..

A voice inside asks "But it felt good, didn’t it?"

And I answer: “Yes it did. It really did. I felt satisfied after so long..oh so long.”

Then the stupid conscience pops in and asks

"But now you feel bad, don’t you?"

Again I answer "Yes I do, I really do, I feel so ashamed."

But the harm is done.

A week of dieting and one chocolate just ruined it all!

3 short stories, one big post

The world depresses me.

Actually it doesn’t, it’s just a spiffy start to the totally irrational, unnecessary and rambling post that follows.

There are a whole lot of totally unconnected things happening around me.

Two friends of mine are soon going to become one – tied together in the eternal bond of marriage. Translated that means, two of my friends are getting married. (I am trying to free myself of the accursed advertising lingo).

Conversations nowadays are full of engagement and marriage plans, cost cutting measures (to quote the would-be groom, these are recessionary times) and of course the grandiose entertainment programme that should leave the audience enthralled.

While I am excited and participate whole heartedly in these conversations and also contribute my two bits of innovative ideas… I still wonder when it got so bloody complicated.

When did a marriage stop being a simple ceremony that tied two people in an everlasting bond and become a billion dollar industry?

When did an engagement turn into a gala entertainment event?

There are others in the same boat. Planning, saving, planning, buying, planning their upcoming nuptials. Sooner or later all of them have come up with the line “Let’s just do a simple court marriage”. I swear all of them used the same line.

Question is, why not? Like Messr Nike says “JUST DO IT!”

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I am reading two books simultaneously nowadays –one is a hard hitting supposedly true story of a woman suffering from disassociative personality disorder, earlier known as multiple personality disorder. The other book is an epic fantasy – dragons, riders, magical beings and equally magical evil characters.

When I dream, the memories of the two books amalgamate and I see visions of the earth populated by fantastical beings – dragons are my pets, people I like are brave warriors and people I have something against, are the evil powers.

And maybe that’s the truth. Maybe in another reality I am part of the legions of good that battle forces of evil. Maybe my friends, my powers and my essential goodness (a bit tarnished in this reality), helped win the battle of good over evil.

It might just be true – like adidas says “IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING” .

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Somebody told me the other day – my memory is going, I don’t remember who said it or when, but then I figure if I don’t remember then it was probably not worth remembering. Anyway somebody mentioned that I am not introspective enough as a person and that is why I don’t have answers to the most important questions in life

Who am I?

What does the future hold?

What do I want?

What will I have for dinner tonight?

Well I decided it was true. So I decided to do some deep thinking. And I found the answer – pasta with garlic bread and salad.

Now while that answered question 3 and 4, and it was a delicious answer too, I really didn’t find an answer to the others. (Actually I got bored and there was a really great FRIENDS episode on, so I got distracted).

The point is I fail to understand what’s the big deal about introspection and looking for answers to life. In my opinion life isn’t a question to be answered, it’s a puzzle you unravel bit by bit at every stage.

That’s what makes it fun. That’s what makes it interesting.

Its like a mystery book – some peek at the last page to know the end, while others read page by page – enjoying every twist and turn. That’s the legion I belong to, I like not knowing what’s coming, until it does.

So next time anyone tells me I am not a deep thinker – my retort simple and albeit borrowed from reebok is going to be “I AM WHAT I AM”

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Now I know what this rambling post was about -: SHOES! I need shoes! I have to go buy shoes.

Maturity Sucks!

I am more than a quarter-century old; which makes a whole lot of years to look back at during those introspective times. Yet, these past 4 years stand apart from the rest. These were not life-altering years by any means. I did not create history, I did not fall in love, I did not shatter any records …. What I did do was make a great bunch of friends. You know the ones really bad Hindi-movies are made of? That sort.

Time passed with them so quickly that I didn’t realize until a few days ago exactly how much time has gone by. Now things are changing. People shifting, getting married…generally moving on.

All of which are good things to happen. It shows we have all grown.. in our relationships, in our careers, in our lives. Does that make me happy? Of course it does. But not completely. Not absolutely. There is a lot to look forward to, but I can’t help and wonder whether we are leaving behind something that we will never get again.

Fun times. Times of complete idiocy. Quarrels that get blown into full fledged wars. Laughter that leads to completely insane moments. From the most inane conversations to philosophical discussions. Conversations that always meant something even when they were at their meaningless best.

Meetings that became a daily routine. Late night coffees that became a habit.

The child in me says thing won’t change. The adult in me disagrees. Things will change. For the better. Stronger relationships. The beginning of happily ever after for some. The start of a new story.

That’s my quarter-century maturity talking. I hate maturity.