Ganging Up

A Kungfu Panda look alike.
A princess outside her tower.
A tall, clean shaven hitler.
A could-have- been bong porn star.

That’s my gang.

As individuals, they all manage to pass off as normal sane individuals. Great professionals even, but when they come together, it’s a Frankenstein meets loony toons scenario.

That’s my gang.

What prompted this post was a farewell part that made me wake up with a smile on a Monday morning. A farewell party that was sans tears, short of any nostalgic crap, shorn of any kind of sentimental mumbo – jumbo. A party that was fun. A party that was thrown to make me feel special, without anyone saying that I am.
That’s my gang.

In a rare introspective moment, in a nearly out-of-body experience, I stepped out to look at my friends and all I saw was a bunch of normal, okie slightly abnormal, set of people hanging out and having some fun. But there was something more. An indefinable bond that made them special.

That’s my gang.

A gang that’s rare because we are all so different yet similar.

A group where untouched virginity meets sex gurus.
A group where optimism personified meets cynicism trebled.
A group where every individual is a loner at heart.

Freud would have found this gang’s psych perplexing.
Einstein would have been at a loss to understand the equations involved.
Hitler would have learnt a lesson in tyranny.
Kunfu panda would have learnt a few new moves.
Porn directors would get orgasmic with our star power.

That’s my gang.
And that’s me right in the middle.

Everyone is a writer, but me!

I am convinced, anyone can be a writer. My clients are, my servicing team is, my dhobi, my bai, my cabwalla…. Everyone is a writer. Apart from me that is. If Shakespeare lived today, the Comedy of Errors would not be accepted- “how can errors be comical?”. Jeeves would have died a literary death at the concept stage – “Bertie is our TG, he can’t be dumber than a butler”. For that matter, any author I have read or even heard about would have given up writing in order to keep his sanity intact.

While I lay no claim to being a great writer, I did think I had a perfunctory knowledge of the English language. But it seems I was completely wrong. Even my severely linguistically challenged peers, appear to be better writers.

I have been told “that’s what advertising is”. I disagree. I know plenty of copywriters who have written brilliant ads. I don’t know how they managed it though. Maybe they managed to find clients who write worse than them. Or maybe they are genuinely good writers.

A suggestion however, if anyone reading this post, is a writer stay away from advertising. If you can’t write and yet want to be a writer, send me your CV, your writing skills will be much appreciated.

Cloth-Shedding!

The world has definitely gone down to its basics nowadays. A few days back, we were asked to send pink chaddis to protest against a Mangalore incident. Today, PETA activists protested against the zoo at Milan in black bikinis.

Now I really don’t get the connect. Why is it necessary to shed clothes to protest against cruelty to animals? Unless, it’s to show solidarity with the beasts that reside in perpetual nudity. I gotta admit, that’s one hell of an interesting connect.

Now I have nothing against women or men for that matter, baring themselves. If they have good bodies, I even enjoy a small peek or a full fledged ogle. But what I fail to understand is when did the lack of clothes become a sign of revolt?

The French, the English, us Indians all managed to revolt against our status quo systems fully dressed, then what changed now?

Somehow wearing miniscule clothes has become our answer to the moral police that calls for a public flogging for showing off our ankles.

They say way wear full clothes.
We say “Won’t”

They say displaying flesh is a sign of revolt.
We say “We Do!”

They say stick to modesty.
We say “Shan’t”

So semi-nakedness seems to be synonymous with rebellion today. So be it. But a thought just struck. It’s strange. While we as a generation our determined to get down to our basics to protest against the wrongs in the world, we still expect our politicians to dress from head to toe in khadi to demonstrate their maturity.

A jeans clad young neta is not serious enough to lead the nation, but a bikini clad model is deemed perfect to be the voice of the people.

I love our paradoxical world.

My New Philosophy

As I approach yet another birthday, I find myself pondering on … well life in general. After a lot of introspection and soul searching, I have crafted a new philosophy of life for myself. But what I came up with was so profound that I just could not keep it to myself. So here it is, my 5 pronged philosophy – one I seek to imbibe in my life from here on
1. You are as young, as tall and as fat as you think you are.
Admittedly not completely original but I added my own twists to it. According to this rule, I am 21 (any younger and I can’t enter pubs), about 5’11 and have a completely flab-less body.

2. If others haven’t seen it, you haven’t done it
It’s simple actually, any action becomes real only if people see it or hear it. For example anyone sees a star falling then it becomes a shooting star, if nobody sees it, well the world moves on literally.
In my case if I eat a cookie while I am on a diet it does not count as long as I eat it alone in a room.

3. If you miss the bus, get a lift.
True. You should never wait for the next bus to come. It will invariably be late and that’s not me that’s murphy’s law.
In real life if I miss a movie I am going to watch the pirated version, no point waiting for the next weekend the movie is sure to be gone by then.

4. If nothing new comes up, change the packaging.
This rule has so many interpretations, I am at a loss which one to pick!
In these recessionary times don’t buy new clothes, just dye them another colour.
Cant think of a new idea? Browse old presentations and resell an old one
Don’t have a guy in your life? Call the loser you dated few years back and dumped 

5. The world is what you make of it
A bit similar to rule 1 but not the same. This rule applies to how you interpret what others say to you. For eg
This idea suck
Interpretation – I am very impressed with your ideas but I don’t have the money to do this now
That’s dumb
Interpretation – If I don’t say that we will have a long conversation on this and you will realize I am a prize idiot!
You are old
Interpretation – I envy your wisdom and experience but I am too young to admit it
Get ready world, it’s the new me with new rules. Get outta the way 